Homer: Listen Here: My Name Is Homer J. Simpson. You Guys Think I'm Dead, But I'm Not.

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Homer: Listen here: my name is Homer J. Simpson. You guys think
I'm dead, but I'm not. Now I want you to straighten this
out without a lot of your bureaucratic red tape and mumbo-
Bureaucrat: [typing] OK, Mr. Simpson, I'll just make the change here...
and you're all set.
Homer: I don't like your attitude, you water-cooler dictator. What
do you have in that secret government file anyway? I have a
right to read it.
Bureaucrat: [spinning monitor around] You sure do.
Homer: [reading] "Wife: Marjorie. Children: Bartholomew, Lisa" --
aha! See? This thing is all screwed up! Who the heck is
Margaret Simpson?
Bureaucrat: Uh, your youngest daughter.
Homer: [mocking] "Uh, your youngest daughter". Well how about
this? This thing says my mother's still alive; she died
when I was a kid!
[goes to window] See that stone angel up there? That's my
mother's grave. My dad points it out every time we drive
Bureaucrat: Mr. Simpson, uh...maybe you should actually go up there.
-- A new idea, "Mother Simpson"