Related:

• Receptionist: Will you be paying by cash or check?
  Homer: Cash of course! I've got two hundred and fifty dollars right here with me....
• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...
• Sodom and Gomorrah! Wicked people destroyed by a tremendous conflagration, belching forth fire, hell, and brimstone from the heavens!
  Wicked people stooped to debaucheries, degeneracies, and perversion!...
• A lover teaches a wife all that her husband has concealed from her.
• A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone.
  After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it....
• A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties.
  He should insult her in the privacy of the home. -- James Thurbe...
• Dear, never forget one little point: It's my business.
  You just work here. -- Elizabeth Arden (to her husband)...
• A man who enters into marriage thinking he will educate his wife is guilty of the same stupidity as a wife who enters into marriage thinking she will reform her new husband.
  Both of these folks are in for a lot of reform and a good deal of education, but it may not be as helpful as they thought....
• MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.
  The bones of Agammemnon are a show, And ruined is his royal monument, but Agammemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence....