Related:

• Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. JOHNSON
• If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
  -- Lyndon B. Johnson Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off....
• Gerry: Hi! Pleased to meet you, I just moved in. My name is Gerry Ford.
  Homer: [gasps] Former President Gerald Ford? Put her there!...
• They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher.
  I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way....
• Last year I entered the LA marathon. I finished last.
  It was embarrassing. And the guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me....
• Brent: It is the playoffs. It's five below, and there's one loyal fan wearing nothing but a G-string, and the team colors painted on his body!
  [camera shows the fan in question, shivering, teeth chattering] Johnny...
• Texas A&M football coach Jackie Sherrill went to the office of the Dean of Academics because he was concerned about his players' mental abilities.
  "My players are just too stupid for me to deal with them", he told the unbelieving dean....
• Gridlock: football played between the 40-yardlines only!
• Bart: Mom, what if there's a really bad crummy guy who's going to jail but I know he's innocent?
  Marge: Well, Bart, your uncle Arthur used to have a saying...