Related:

• Moser's Law of Spectator Sports: Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.
• When time permits, your personal life will be exciting.
• Dude's Law of Duality: Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
• CHILDHOOD...That happy period when nightmares occur only during sleep.
• The only new show worth watching will be cancelled. -- Jones' Law of TV
• Wagner's Law of Sports Coverage: When the camera focuses on a male athlete he will spit, pick or scratch.
• When the camera isolates on a male athlete, he will either spit, pick or scratch.
  -- WAGNER'S LAW OF SPORTS TV...
• Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house
  but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner....
• I'm only happy when I'm watching a hockey game.