Related:

• Exciting plays only occur when your are watching the scoreboard or buying food.
  -- Moser's Law of Spo...
• Apu: [grabs a tofu dog off the grill] Quick, quick, no time to cook them -- they will plump in my stomach.
  [quickly eats the hot dog] [drinks some beer quickly and burps] [spots a pretty woman] Hello, beautiful....
• Dude's Law of Duality: Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
• Life is what passes you by while watching hockey.
• Lisa: Gee, is it always this good? Marge: Mmm. I don't know.
  I just dip in and out. I'm only watching today because Randi is coming out of a coma, and she knows the phony prince's body is hidden in the boat house....
• Hibbert: Don't worry, son: you'll be fine. This boy's appendix is inflamed and about to burst, which _will_ make it easier to find once I get in there.
  [chuckles] Homer: [watching from above] Man, these are primo seats....
• Tux Penguin Boxing Match LAS VEGAS, NV -- The unofficial Linux mascot Tux the Penguin will face his arch rival the BSD Daemon in a boxing match this Saturday night.
  The match is part of the International Computer Mascot Boxing Federation's First Annual World Championship Series....
• The only new show worth watching will be cancelled. -- Jones' Law of TV
• Hot Dog!: Frank Furte