Related:

• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex....
• My ex-wife's a cat lover. I sent her a kzin for her birthday.
• What are imitation rhinestones? -- Steven Wrigh
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
  -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh...
• I had my coathangers spayed. -- Steven Wrigh
• o the tune of the Colonel Bogey March] Lisa, her teeth are big and green.
  Lisa, she smells like gasoline. Lisa, da da da Disa....
• Horses just naturally have mohawk haircuts. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh
• The doctor says he has to amputate all of me. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh