Related:

• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex....
• I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information.
  She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks....
• I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu.
  The headwaiter said, Don't I know you? -- Steven Wrigh...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• One time the police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Don't you know the speed limit is fifty-five miles an hour?
  I said, "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the wall that didn't do anything.
  So anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just flick that switch up and down....
• I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime.
  So I ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building.
  ..I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet....
• Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
  -- Steven Wrigh...