Broken Promises Don't Upset Me. I Just Think, Why Did They Believe Me?
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait.
Not me, you. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy.
I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me....
If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me "the Man" is behind this.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your ac
I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much....
If someone told me it wasn't "fashionable" to talk about freedom, I think I'd just have to look him square in the eye and say, "Okay, YOU TELL ME what's `fashionable'.
But he won't. And you know why? Because you can't ask someone what's fashionable in a smart-alecky way like that....
The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat.
And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?...
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary.
I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad....
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.
NOW who's asking the questions? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!
Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life....