Related:

• Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
  Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ....
• Knights are hardly worth it. I mean, all that shell and so little meat...
• An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed).
  When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage....
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world.
  He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or chainging the latrine....
• When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, "No speaka English.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• Where do cliches come from? My grandfather says, "You just tell a couple of jokes and you're riding the gravy train?
  First of all, it's hard to write jokes. Second of all, what is a gravy train?...
• on "Bite Back"] Kent: Apu, will you ever stop selling spoiled meat?
  Apu: No -- I mean, yes -- I mean -- uh oh. [sweats] [Apu turns off the TV] I think I come off very well....