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• Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc.
  And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you....
• Never play cards with a man named Doc and never eat at a place called Mom's. -- John O'Hara
• Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. -- Nelson Algre
• If you know someone who has had a moustache for more than three years, never let that man sleep on your sofa.
• Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys. Jewish Proverb
• Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
• Long's Notes 1) Always store beer in a dark place.
  2) Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent....
• Never shower with a man called SUE!
• Bart: Mom, what if there's a really bad crummy guy who's going to jail but I know he's innocent?
  Marge: Well, Bart, your uncle Arthur used to have a saying...