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• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you.
  And that is a phony kidnapping. Larry: Yeah, right....
• I had a friend who was a clown... when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
  .. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes.
  When I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I....
• I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?
  I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it....
• and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes!
  -- James Joyce, _Ulysses_...
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....