Related:

• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I had a friend who was a clown... when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
  .. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you.
  And that is a phony kidnapping. Larry: Yeah, right....
• I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes.
  When I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I....
• I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?
  I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it....
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....
• I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here, Stay, here.
  .." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing....