Related:

• Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand.
  Come on, Marta. Grow up. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• IT MAKES ME MAD when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins.
  They eat fish." Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them!...
• MARTA WAS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME with me when she said, "You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.
  "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.
  -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
• I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground.
  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it....
• I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day.
  Then that night, they burned the wheel. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.
  -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....