Related:

• I love animals! But they all seem to taste like chicken.
• I love children! They taste just like chicken!
• I LOVE spotted owls!! They taste like chicken!!!
• To all aspiring young comedians--when are you going to do something with your life?
  Get a real job in hardware sales or taxidermy--meet a nice girl, settle down, and stop hanging around those comedy clubs with all your comedy bum friends....
• Jackie: I remember Lisa's third birthday. She and Bart did this adorable little song and dance routine.
  Abe: Oh, heh heh! That was a real horn-honker!...
• Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.
  NOW who's asking the questions? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming.
  ..They don't know I'm only using blanks. -- Emo Phillip...
• Mother: I don't know who to love more... My son Joshua who's captain of the football team, or my daughter Amber who got the lead in the school play.
  Usually, I use their grades as a tie-breaker, but they both got straight A's this term, so what's a mother to do?...
• No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her body.
  No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother....