Related:

• On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. -- W. C. Fields' epitaph
• Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed. -- W. C. Field
• I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink.
  That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. -- W. C. Field...
• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
  -- W. C. Field...
• I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -- W. C. Fields (1890-1946)
• Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
  Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road....