Related:

• I just held my hand up to this buzz saw and lost one of my fingers!
  What do you make of that?...Damn--there goes another!...
• I'm not sure officer.. He just said FAX ME UP SCOTTIE..
• Take me drunk officer - I'm home.
• I see!, said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
• The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. -- Fred Alle
• Gee officer, I just wondered how fast SPEED READ was.
• A very drunk man is trying his key on a hole in the lamp post.
  A police officer comes by, notices that the man is terribly drunk and suggests that there is no one home in the lamp post....
• I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk. -- John Husto
• What is it I got that makes them twitch? -- Marilyn Monroe