Related:

• The foreman of a lumber camp put a new workman on the circular saw.
  As he turned away, he heard the man say, "Ouch!". "What happened?...
• A group of soldiers being prepared for a practice landing on a tropical island were warned of the one danger the island held
  a poisonous snake that could be readily identified by its alternating orange and black bands....
• Marge: Well I think it's wonderful that your father has fallen in love with my mother.
  Homer: Well I'm opposed to the whole thing. Damn opposed!...
• Bob: You do know I used to have a...problem with trying to kill people.
  Cecil: Goodness! I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the past decade, in a cave with my eyes shut, and my fingers in my ears....
• Homer: You like parties, huh? Well, I just remembered they're having a big one down at the waterfront this weekend.
  Marge: You didn't remember that. You just saw it on TV. My Sister, My Sitte...
• There are some things about you that I like; I just can't put my fingers on them.
• Lister: Look at what he's given me for dinner: a pea on toast.
  One pea. I tell you, I'm that far from cracking....
• Most folks they like the daytime, 'cause they like to see the shining sun.
  They're up in the morning, off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun....
• Marge: Mmm, Lisa, you don't look well. Lisa: I'll make it Mom.
  Just tape my lunchbox to my hand. -- Lisa wakes up ill, "Bart's Dog Gets an F...