Related:

• I think the best way I've heard this put is "Pascal gives you a water pistol filled with distilled water.
  C not only gives you a loaded .357, it points it at your head as a default....
• Own only what you can always carry with you; know languages, know countries, know people.
  Let your memory be your travel bag. -- Alexander Solzhenitsy...
• How many American standup comedians -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  You know what bugs me about light bulbs? The other night I was flying cross country and the f****** stewardess started telling me about her cat....
• Oh, yes, you know why fish are always weighing themselves?
  Because they carry their scales with them....
• HANDKERCHIEF A piece of cloth designed specifically to be filled with snot.
  Which must rather irritate it. I mean, I'm sure that you'd be pretty pissed off if you had only come into existence to be wiped on people's noses....
• BACK, spawn of Satan! It's the Reverend Wallace Wallop you face, and my strength is GREAT, for I do HIS work!
  This is a battery-powered water pistol filled with HOLY WATER!...
• I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us who rollerskate and smoke cigars?
  -- Homer Simpson, on Heaven The Telltale Head...
• Carl: Hey, Homer, are you sure it's OK to smoke Cuban cigars and gamble here now that your wife's a cop?
  Homer: Are you kidding? Being a cop husband is one mighty sweet deal!...
• Marge: Lisa, Bart, what did you two learn in Sunday School today?
  Lisa: The answers to deep theological questions. Ba...