Related:

• You know it is going to be a rotten day when... You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water.
  .. the day after you bought a waterbed....
• You know it's going to be a rotten day when... you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
• You know it's going to be a rotten day when... you wake up face down on the pavement.
• What do you call a JAP on a water bed? Lake Placid.
• You know it's going to be a bad day when: you see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
• You know it's going to be a bad day when: you turn on the news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
• You know it's going to be a bad day when you see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
  -- Anon....
• You know you're in trouble when... (1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
  (2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. (3) Your income tax check bounces....
• My friends, I am here to tell you of the wonderous continent known as Africa.
  Well we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 31....