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• The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?
  I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way." -- Emo Phillip...
• People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?" -- Emo Phillip
• You know what I hate? Indian givers...no, I take that back. -- Emo Phillip
• The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• People come up to me and they're worried...that I'll reproduce. -- Emo Phillip
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming.
  ..They don't know I'm only using blanks. -- Emo Phillip...
• I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor.
  The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" -- Emo Phillip...
• Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillip