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• People come up to me and they're worried...that I'll reproduce. -- Emo Phillip
• The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?
  I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way." -- Emo Phillip...
• Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers.
  ..damn anthropologists. -- Emo Phillip...
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• I'm a great lover, I'll bet. -- Emo Phillip
• I don't want to say she was loose. I believe the term we use today is USER FRIENDLY.
  -- Emo Phillip...
• I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming.
  ..They don't know I'm only using blanks. -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillip...