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• You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers.
  ..damn anthropologists. -- Emo Phillip...
• Adulthood, one could say, is when it begins to occur to you that you may not be leading a charmed life.
  -- Adam Phillip...
• I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face.
  I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?...
• People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?" -- Emo Phillip
• Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillip
• You know what I hate? Indian givers...no, I take that back. -- Emo Phillip
• The worst thing is when you have to kill someone you love because they're SATAN. -- Judy Tenuda
• I'm a great lover, I'll bet. -- Emo Phillip
• Emo Phillips was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving.
  When brought before the judge, Emo was asked if he knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was....