When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about
your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is
just to say, "No speaka English."
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is
just to say, "No speaka English."
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Related:
- When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is
if they ever press charges.
Deep Thoughts, by Jack... - I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to
be an eclipse and tell the cave men,
"If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted... - If someone told me it wasn't "fashionable" to talk about freedom,
I think I'd just have to look him square in the eye... - If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors
came up to you and asked where the gold was,
I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed... - Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog,
plus if you walk around shooting all the time people... - Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you com out you're all
covered with leeches.
Just say, "Hey, has anybody seen my raisins?" (Because... - When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them
by the collar and yell,
"Why you stupid, stupid bastard!" Then I drive them... - A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a
poisonous snake,
tell him you're going to go for help, then go about... - Most of what I really need to know about how to live,
and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten...
From the same category:
- He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles
by day... - You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family
was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into
the butter upon a hot day.
Sherlock... - The first example of permanent press was an Egyptian mummy.
Shelby... - Just a modern modem mage cruising the electronic
highways... - Early to bed and early to rise,
Makes a man healthy,
wealthy, and wise. -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)...
