I Bet A Fun Thing Would Be To Go Way Back In Time To Where There Was Going To Be An Eclipse And Tell The Cave Men, "If I Have Come To Destroy You, May The Sun Be Blotted Out From The Sky.

I Bet A Fun Thing Would Be To Go Way Back In Time To Where There Was Going To Be An Eclipse And Tell The Cave Men, "If I Have Come To Destroy You, May The Sun Be Blotted Out From The Sky.

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I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to
be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the
sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and
they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about
the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

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I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egyp
on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, "Be sure, before I start, you have all the jewelry and so forth on the body, because I am NOT unwrapping him later....
When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, "No speaka English.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy
because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else....
If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip.
Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their lip! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake.
Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help....
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage.
They're just not ready. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto you buttocks and start yowling and running around.
Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, "Hey, let's put him in the movie....
Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of "bag.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...