Related:

• Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait.
  Not me, you. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Honesty is better than lying.
• How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow?
  It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak....
• I'd rather be rich than stupid. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animal
  he real tiny dog. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Can't the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they've caused?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff
  hen when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?...
• Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program!
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...