Related:

• If I ever get real rich, I hoe I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class.
  It's just too rich a subject. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy.
  I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me....
• I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• I don't think I'm ever more "aware" than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...