Related:

• People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
  What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair....
• If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most?
  I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though....
• To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one.
  I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me....
• Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant.
  It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see....
• If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of "bag.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real.
  And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can't remember, all rolled into one big "thing....
• If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad?
  Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?...
• I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...