Related:

• Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.
  -- Long Chen Pa...
• which reminds me of the Carrot family: Ma Carrot, Pa Carrot, and Baby Carrot.
  One fine spring day they decided to go out for a picnic....
• Professor: Being captain is about intuition and heart.
  A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job....
• Homer: Save a guy's life, and what do you get? Nothing!
  Worse than nothing! Just a big scary rock....
• Burns: Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?
  Smithers: I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?...
• Homer: Oh, I gotta call everyone and tell them the good news.
  [picks up phone: "In use"] What the -- oh....
• Bart: Now, here's what we do. Tomorrow morning when Alison comes out of her house, we spray her with the hose -- soaking her from head to toe, leaving us relatively dry.
  Lisa: "Relatively"? Bart: Well, there's bound to be some splash-back....
• The art of life is to show your hand. There is no diplomacy like candor.
  You may lose by it now and then, but it will be a loss well gained if you do....
• George: [typing] And since I'd achieved all my goals as President in one term, there was no need for a second.
  The end. Hmm, good memoirs. Good, not great....