Related:

• RETURN An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - Find the bag that your product X came in, which naturally has the shop's logo plastered all over it....
• RETURN An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - When you get to the shop, radiate confidence. For some reason, whenever I'm in this situation I get pangs of guilt going through my mind....
• RECEIPT Proof of the purchase of goods. There are two distinct types of receip
  - the receipt that sits in your wallet for the best part of a year before you clean it out, and then pops up again regularly for the rest of your life, in desk drawers, stuck in books as bookmarks, or attached to the fridge with a magnet - the receipt that you think you put safely somewhere, but can't find when the goods that you bought falls apart/breaks down/ causes you to want to return the goods, for whatever reason....
• RETURN An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - If you're going to even think about mentioning refunds, take along proof of identity, a shotgun, several lawyers, and all of the above....
• VARNISH What you promise yourself you'll do to that unfinished furniture you have bought.
  And still haven't done twenty years later when it begins to fall apart....
• CBG: Yes, finally! I would like to return your quote, unquote Ultimate Belt.
  Salesman: I see. Do you have a receipt, quote, unquote, sir?...
• TELEMARKETING The practice of ringing you up when you're on the toilet just to ask you what you think about council merge
  would you like to donate to charity X, or would you like to get Call Waiting put on your phone....
• The computer you bought today, became obsolete yesterday.
• ORDER The process of telling the waiter what you would like to eat, preferably a choice from that on the menu.
  Following the ordering process, you will make a note of everything that they forget to bring you, and finally find the courage to kick up a stink when the meal's over and everyone's leaving....