Related:

• RETURN An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - Find the receipt. Okay, so you only bought your product X yesterday, the shop you bought it from probably only sells an X once in a blue moon and the shopkeeper in question has known you personally for a period of decades....
• RETURN An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - If you're going to even think about mentioning refunds, take along proof of identity, a shotgun, several lawyers, and all of the above....
• RETURN An experience of sheer terror. Here's some advice for when you want to return goods to their place of purchase.
  - When you get to the shop, radiate confidence. For some reason, whenever I'm in this situation I get pangs of guilt going through my mind....
• RECEIPT Proof of the purchase of goods. There are two distinct types of receip
  - the receipt that sits in your wallet for the best part of a year before you clean it out, and then pops up again regularly for the rest of your life, in desk drawers, stuck in books as bookmarks, or attached to the fridge with a magnet - the receipt that you think you put safely somewhere, but can't find when the goods that you bought falls apart/breaks down/ causes you to want to return the goods, for whatever reason....
• ORDER The process of telling the waiter what you would like to eat, preferably a choice from that on the menu.
  Following the ordering process, you will make a note of everything that they forget to bring you, and finally find the courage to kick up a stink when the meal's over and everyone's leaving....
• Q: What should I do if I find a rock in a bag of potatoes?
  A: Simply return the rock to your grocer, who will give you the rock's weight in potatoes....
• ODD Odd things that you don't want people find in your house include
• How 'bout a clothes shop for Swinging Blue Jeans?
• KHRISTMAS (Well, I had to get it into this week's, didn't I?
  !) Christmas is a wonderful time of year. Just a shame the Christians seem to be trying to take control of it....