Related:

• When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?
  ' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' -- Steven Wrigh...
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in EXACTLY the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
  I said, "the whole time." -- Steven Wrigh...
• Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.
  I told this to my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'" -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wrigh...