Related:

• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
  I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours....
• Failed Attempts To Break Records In September 1978 Mr.
  Terry Gripton, of Stafford, failed to break the world shouting record by two and a half decibels....
• Lisa: Remember, Bart -- I mean, Dances In Underwear -- we take the White Man alive.
  Bart: All right, Thinks Too Much: it shall be so....
• I woke up this morning, and I realized that somebody had broken into my apartment, stolen all my things and replaced them with exact duplicates.
  I asked my roommate if he noticed anything, and he said, 'Who are you?...
• I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him.
  The whole time I had the money on me---he didn't know it....
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
  -- Steven Wrigh...