Related:

• I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick.
  Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold....
• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Bart: This is pretty tense, isn't it, Todd. Todd: Yeah, my knees are shaking, I got butterflies in my stomach.
  .. But I guess this builds character. Bart: Who wants to build character?...
• Lisa: [tucking in Rod] Once there was a robot named Todd.
  Todd: Did he have a brother? Lisa: Yes, he had a brother named Rod, who was two space years older than him....
• I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it.
  First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk....
• I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size
  and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there....