Related:

• I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd.
  Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship....
• I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready.
  But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one.
  I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me....
• I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size
  and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there....
• I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head.
  That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat as much....
• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...