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• God created man, but I could do better. -- Erma Bombeck
• Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires." -- John McSherry
• Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
  -- Erma Bombeck...
• Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
  Erma Bombeck...
• It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten.
  They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane. -- M. Grundle...
• Everybody in Los Angeles is in therapy. It's a good thing they don't have parking spaces for the emotionally handicapped.
  There'd be no place to park. -- Jackson Perdue...
• There was a young man of St. John's Who wanted to bugger the swans.
  But the loyal hall porter Said, "Pray take my daughter!...
• A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once. -- Ed Wy
• A friend is a man who has the same enemies you have. -- Stephen Leacock