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• I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.
  And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it....
• Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad.
  And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?...
• I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our "friend.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant.
  It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see....
• People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
  What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair....
• If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary.
  I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad....
• If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip.
  Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their lip! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...