Related:

• I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our "friend.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce childre
  herefore, they must recruit our children. -- Anita Bryant, 1977...
• The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys.
  But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it....
• I want to be a veterinarian because I love children.
• If you gave up sex, our children wouldn't have to deal with yours!
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.
  That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...