Related:

• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason.
  The police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights.
  Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now.
  But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I don't like the idea that people can call you in your car.
  I think there's news you shouldn't get at sixty miles per hour....
• I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights.
  Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Homer: Hey! We could be a team... [at the counter] Excuse me, but my _team_ is ready to bowl.
  Kid: You're short one person. Homer: [seeing Otto] Uh, that longhaired freak's bowled with us for years....
• I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?
  Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..." -- Steven Wrigh...