Related:

• Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility.
  We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can....
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number.
  .. -- Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because......
• Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now
  o after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following word...
• If I Only Had A Brain":) I might be in the shower, I might be gone for hours, I can't come to the phone.
  So, please leave your name and number, If I miss you it'd be a bummer, Leave your message at the tone....
• Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... E
  o diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell....
• My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
  -- Answering machine madness - family fu...
• In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH!
  Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call....