Related:

• Oooooommmmmmmmmmm... (Heavy panting and breathing in the background), Oh!
  Sorry, I can't come (Oh! Yes! Do it to me) to the (Oh!...
• This is Anthony. Leave me a message at the beep. (beep) Whoops, I bet you couldn't hear that.
  Lemme try again. (Beep) Nuts, once more with feeling....
• Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back....
• We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number.
  Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again....
• Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, I'll return your call.
  (Now, re-record the message every morning. Frequent callers will notice that something sounds different, but will be confused since the words are exactly the same....
• I just got a car phone. I'm not here at the moment.
  Leave me a message and I'll call you when I'm out....
• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.
  On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone....
• The party you dialed is not available. Your call is being diverted to an alternate number.
  Please stand by... (Ring...) The number you dialed must be dialed by your 0 operator....