Related:

• You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy.
  You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions....
• Hello. All of our operators are busy right now, but if you'll leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time you called, we'll get back to you as soon as possible.
  Thank you and have a pleasant day. (This can dissuade prank and sales callers who don't know it's really a private line....
• Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals.
  Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated....
• You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call.
  (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers....
• Annoying flute music in background:) Good day, Jim.
  Your contact, Linda, is not available right now....
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the United States War Department.
  At the tone, please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message with the name of the country you wish to invade....
• I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am.
  .. (or) I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person....
• Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone.
  If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number....
• Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away.
  Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer....