Related:

• I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ``That guy sure owed me a lot of money.
  '' -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
  It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance....
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit.
  Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight....
• I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans" as their mascot.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy.
  I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me....
• The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr.
  Brave man, I guess I'm a coward. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...