Related:

• Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I ever get real rich, I hoe I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...