Related:

• Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing.
  But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town....
• Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait.
  Not me, you. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class.
  It's just too rich a subject. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushe
  because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory....
• I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp.
  That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him....