Related:

• If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip.
  Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their lip! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.
  After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us....
• When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I "swarm about" to protect my nest of chocolate eggs.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...