Related:

• Dilbert's Words of Wisdom ... 1. I can please only one person per day.
  Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either....
• I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow.
  So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow....
• However, the most effective one I have had so far can be used only one day per yea
  This is David. I'm not using the phone over Yom Kippur, so please leave a message or call back after the holiday....
• Heavenly Entrance Exam The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
  He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself....
• Tidbits" Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be happier than others.
  I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words....
• You Might Be In Education If... * You can converse in middle schoolease.
  * Your last nerve is a distant memory... * Every day is a bad hair day....
• While looking for a Real Job (read: technical writing), I've been paying the bills doing medical transcription work.
  I came across a book today called "The Empty Laugh Book" by the American Association for Medical Transcription, containing some of the funniest dictated and transcribed quotes from the world of medicine that I've ever encountered....
• Great sayings One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
  POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on....
• Tis the Season - Swimsuit Time I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume.
  When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered....