One good thing about Alzheimer's is
you get to meet new people every day.
POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN
....Cops have nothing to go on.
Alabama State Motto:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don't succeed,
A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a cash advance.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes.
You will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO
WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH
Time is just nature's way
to keep everything from happening at once.
Hard work never killed anyone,
but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires
I don't have a solution;
but I do admire the problem.
I think sex is better than logic,
but I can't prove it.
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
But it uses up a thousand times the memory
The Meek shall inherit the earth..
...after we're through with it.
If a thing is worth doing
It would have been done already
Two can live as cheaply as one... for half as long.
HAM AND EGGS
A day's work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Lord, If I can't be skinny,
please let all my friends be fat.
Good Health is merely the slowest
possible rate at which one can die.
THE BUCK DOESN'T EVEN SLOW DOWN HERE
So keep on going.
Confession is good for the soul,
but bad for your career.
How much can I get away with
and still go to heaven?
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
JESUS LOVES YOU
It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
It's hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.
WELCOME TO UTAH
Set your watch back 20 years.
Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and
buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
Be nice to your kids.
They'll choose your nursing home.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
The trouble with life is
there's no background music.
I was only looking at
your nametag, honest!
When blondes have more fun
do they know it?
Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.
What happens if you get scared
half to death twice?
Losing a husband can be hard.
In my case it was almost impossible.
JESUS IS COMING!
We have enough youth.
How about a fountain of "Smart"?
Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
Two rights do not make a wrong.
They make an airplane.
Two wrongs do not make a right,
but three lefts do.
MY WILD OATS
HAVE TURNED TO
Is reading in the bathroom considered
Seen it all. Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.