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• What do you make from frozen holy water? Popesicles.
• Why do they boil water when a baby is being born? In case it dies, they can make soup.
• Taglines: WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY, HOW What are you doing?
  !? The message is over,GO AWAY! What can you do for me?...
• Wanting to convert to the Catholic faith, Sam Goldstein was allowed to join the Church under the condition that he would, henceforth, obey all the laws governing the Catholicism.
  "Remember," warned the priest, "you also are not allowed to eat meat on Fridays....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• Q: How do you make a cat sound like a dog? A: Douse it with lighter fluid and toss on a match.
  ("Wooof!") Q: How do you make a dog sound like a cat?...
• I've got this compilation of variations on the "My Dog's Got no Nose" joke, which I thought you might like to use in rec.
  humor.funny. I have read your list of submission guidelines, and I know that you don't like people to submit groups of jokes all at once, *but* ....
• A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make.
  He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell....
• There men died and went to hell. Satan met them at the gates and said, "All three of you weren't bad enough to go straight to Hell, so you get another chance.
  If you can tell me something I can't do you can go to Heaven....