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• You were so ugly as a kid that, on Halloween, your mother put peanut butter around your lips and sent you out as an asshole!
• You were so ugly as kid that on Halloween you're mother put peanut butter around your lips and sent you out as an asshole .
  .....
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• big picture --- A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space.
  On the back it said, "Wish you were here." I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes....
• I hate these machines, as much as you. But try as we might, the cats just won't do.
  The scratches they cause, Holding the phone with their paws, Only leave us feeling lonely and blue....
• A young farm lad went away to college. To fit in with the crowd, the first thing he did was to grow a beard.
  When it had reached a suitable length, he sent a picture of himself home with a note saying...
• A nun is driving her (well, the convent's) car through some very lonely countryside.
  The car stops and she notices there is no petrol left....
• Cost-cutting Adam Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden, feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?
  Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman....