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• As I heard it ( to the tune of the song ) By the shade of the old apple tree, That's where she first showed it to me.
  It was hairy and black, And she called it her crack, But it looked like a manhole to me....
• 111 In the shade of the old apple tree Where between her fat legs I could see A little brown spot With the hair in a knot, And it certainly looked good to me.
• And like a ghost she glimmers on to me
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
  Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments....
• BIRTHDAY QUOTES I never forget my wife's birthday.
  It's usually the day after she reminds me about it....
• Why to not buy Madonna's Lingerie: 10> Far to thin to cost that much 9> Twisted guys wear it more often than girls 8> You don't want to buy that stuff from anyone wearing road pylons on her chest!
  7> God knows where her hands have been... 6> God knows where SHE'S BEEN!...
• A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls".
  It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday....
• A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody.
  I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out of the crate....